Let me just remind everyone that I live in a place nicknamed Sin City and I am an adult. As an avid observer of the human experience and an electronic scribe to boot, I feel it is my duty to provide a mature, civilized and informative report on what goes on in a Las Vegas strip club. It is also my right to see an almost completely naked man pop that thang. Besides, this may turn out to be my most read blog besides the one about the dude showing me a picture of his goods on his cell phone. (See Flashback - Sam's Town Live.)Anywho, it's not like I planned to go to Olympic Gardens. I decided to hang with my girl, Tanisha, and she told me that we were going to Tryst at Wynn. When I arrived at her house for the usual pregame cocktail the plans had been changed. Olympic Gardens is a partially nude strip club where ladies perform downstairs and gents perform upstairs. We were going to see the men. Afterwards, we would dance it up at Tao at The Venetian. What the hey.
I fully expected to see people walking into Olympic Gardens smiling in anticipation of fleshy wishes and lascivious dreams, but as I regarded the faces of other attendees there seemed to be varying expressions of determination, confusion, guilt, relief and shock. Downstairs, girls strolled around in bikinis and lingerie with little purses for their tips. They didn't look like they were at a party. They looked like they were at work... I guess because they were. Two girls lazily slinked around poles on stage as if they were extremely drowsy. One removed her top. Implants. The curious thing is only a few men seemed to really be paying any attention to them. What the heck were they there for? Perhaps I didn't give myself enough time to observe. After all, I wasn't there to seem some chick dance around naked. I could do that at home in the mirror.Upstairs we went. It wasn't nearly as crowded as downstairs. Female spectators sat all around in party attire while a couple of extremely fit and tone men jerked around on the stage. Why can't built men dance? It seems like good muscle tone would promote dancing abilities. Not so. It was more humorous than erotic. I was tempted to point and laugh but I didn't want to bruise homeboy's ego. Besides, he had an extremely impressive rear end. It was kind of pretty. We hadn't even sat down for three minutes before a stripper came over trying to charm us into buying a lap dance. He was cute. We took a couple of pictures with him and then ordered drinks. We moved to the seats around the main stage to watch some guy dressed up as a marine. Again nice body but the most ridiculous pelvic thrusting I've ever seen. He pulled girl after girl on stage and pretty much slapped them all in the forehead with his jewels. If he tried that with me I was going to have to alert the authorities.
A Latino gentlemen teamed up with our first eager earner to entice both Tanisha and me. As he was giving me a rather enjoyable lap dance, I learned that his name was Xavier and that he had missed a day shaving the back of his thighs although his chest was extremely smooth. I should have asked how uncomfortable he was wearing those thong underwear. That dude charged me twenty bucks for the equivalent of heavy petting and assistance in helping me stretch my right leg behind my head. Thanks, Xavier. What a rip. I went to the bathroom and had a conversation with another lady who was really happy about the opportunity to objectify men. I was glad for her but personally thought this was kind of ridiculous. I've never met any man who wasn't ready, willing and able to be objectified for free. Watching a bride-to-be girlfriend get ravished by a male exotic dancer at a bachelorette party is fun. However, to just up and go to a strip club to pay to have some dude grind on you is rather silly. I guess that's why the room wasn't that packed. Don't get me wrong. If you're curious about going to a strip club just do it and get it over with. It's pretty interesting and it's so grown up. I suggest taking a date.
On we went to Tao. When standing in line at Tao, there are these pools of water with rose petals floating atop. From time to time, girls come to sit in them. We tried to ask them if the water was cold but we were instructed by some high bouncer to not say anything to them. Dang. We gained entry, took another potty break and then made our way to one of the dance floors. It was dreamlike. There were droves of people there. The ceiling was so high and the room had this eerie red glow. I didn't understand why people were packed onto the dance floor and just standing there. While travelling across the floor to the other side, I stopped in the middle to contemplate. What the hell was going on and what wet gelatinous matter was falling from the ceiling? Some of it got into my left eye and blinded me for a sec. WTF! Tanisha kept on pulling me across the floor. I turned back to try to figure out what it was and why it was only falling in that area of the dance floor. It looked like fake snow. What did it all mean?!?!?
Went to the next dance floor and made my home there dancing with this really excited guy named... I don't know what the hell his name was. He told me when he bought that beer that I should not have consumed in combination with the vodka I'd had but I forgot. It took me the longest to get rid of him. I hate when guys do that. I typically want to dance with more than just one person when I go out unless I encounter a really good partner. This dude needed serious help in the rhythm department and was extra grabby. I should have kept that twenty I gave to Xavier and paid this dude to go away.I have no idea what time Tanisha and I stumbled out of Tao giggling and heckling passersby. The last thing I recall before falling asleep in the car was informing this guy named Andy that I was not going to his room at Palazzo. These tourist dudes are crazy. I should have thrown that shot he bought me right in his face.
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