February 27th - Olympic Gardens / Tao @ The Venetian

Let me just remind everyone that I live in a place nicknamed Sin City and I am an adult. As an avid observer of the human experience and an electronic scribe to boot, I feel it is my duty to provide a mature, civilized and informative report on what goes on in a Las Vegas strip club. It is also my right to see an almost completely naked man pop that thang. Besides, this may turn out to be my most read blog besides the one about the dude showing me a picture of his goods on his cell phone. (See Flashback - Sam's Town Live.)

Anywho, it's not like I planned to go to Olympic Gardens. I decided to hang with my girl, Tanisha, and she told me that we were going to Tryst at Wynn. When I arrived at her house for the usual pregame cocktail the plans had been changed. Olympic Gardens is a partially nude strip club where ladies perform downstairs and gents perform upstairs. We were going to see the men. Afterwards, we would dance it up at Tao at The Venetian. What the hey.

I fully expected to see people walking into Olympic Gardens smiling in anticipation of fleshy wishes and lascivious dreams, but as I regarded the faces of other attendees there seemed to be varying expressions of determination, confusion, guilt, relief and shock. Downstairs, girls strolled around in bikinis and lingerie with little purses for their tips. They didn't look like they were at a party. They looked like they were at work... I guess because they were. Two girls lazily slinked around poles on stage as if they were extremely drowsy. One removed her top. Implants. The curious thing is only a few men seemed to really be paying any attention to them. What the heck were they there for? Perhaps I didn't give myself enough time to observe. After all, I wasn't there to seem some chick dance around naked. I could do that at home in the mirror.

Upstairs we went. It wasn't nearly as crowded as downstairs. Female spectators sat all around in party attire while a couple of extremely fit and tone men jerked around on the stage. Why can't built men dance? It seems like good muscle tone would promote dancing abilities. Not so. It was more humorous than erotic. I was tempted to point and laugh but I didn't want to bruise homeboy's ego. Besides, he had an extremely impressive rear end. It was kind of pretty. We hadn't even sat down for three minutes before a stripper came over trying to charm us into buying a lap dance. He was cute. We took a couple of pictures with him and then ordered drinks. We moved to the seats around the main stage to watch some guy dressed up as a marine. Again nice body but the most ridiculous pelvic thrusting I've ever seen. He pulled girl after girl on stage and pretty much slapped them all in the forehead with his jewels. If he tried that with me I was going to have to alert the authorities.

A Latino gentlemen teamed up with our first eager earner to entice both Tanisha and me. As he was giving me a rather enjoyable lap dance, I learned that his name was Xavier and that he had missed a day shaving the back of his thighs although his chest was extremely smooth. I should have asked how uncomfortable he was wearing those thong underwear. That dude charged me twenty bucks for the equivalent of heavy petting and assistance in helping me stretch my right leg behind my head. Thanks, Xavier. What a rip. I went to the bathroom and had a conversation with another lady who was really happy about the opportunity to objectify men. I was glad for her but personally thought this was kind of ridiculous. I've never met any man who wasn't ready, willing and able to be objectified for free. Watching a bride-to-be girlfriend get ravished by a male exotic dancer at a bachelorette party is fun. However, to just up and go to a strip club to pay to have some dude grind on you is rather silly. I guess that's why the room wasn't that packed. Don't get me wrong. If you're curious about going to a strip club just do it and get it over with. It's pretty interesting and it's so grown up. I suggest taking a date.

On we went to Tao. When standing in line at Tao, there are these pools of water with rose petals floating atop. From time to time, girls come to sit in them. We tried to ask them if the water was cold but we were instructed by some high bouncer to not say anything to them. Dang. We gained entry, took another potty break and then made our way to one of the dance floors. It was dreamlike. There were droves of people there. The ceiling was so high and the room had this eerie red glow. I didn't understand why people were packed onto the dance floor and just standing there. While travelling across the floor to the other side, I stopped in the middle to contemplate. What the hell was going on and what wet gelatinous matter was falling from the ceiling? Some of it got into my left eye and blinded me for a sec. WTF! Tanisha kept on pulling me across the floor. I turned back to try to figure out what it was and why it was only falling in that area of the dance floor. It looked like fake snow. What did it all mean?!?!?

Went to the next dance floor and made my home there dancing with this really excited guy named... I don't know what the hell his name was. He told me when he bought that beer that I should not have consumed in combination with the vodka I'd had but I forgot. It took me the longest to get rid of him. I hate when guys do that. I typically want to dance with more than just one person when I go out unless I encounter a really good partner. This dude needed serious help in the rhythm department and was extra grabby. I should have kept that twenty I gave to Xavier and paid this dude to go away.

I have no idea what time Tanisha and I stumbled out of Tao giggling and heckling passersby. The last thing I recall before falling asleep in the car was informing this guy named Andy that I was not going to his room at Palazzo. These tourist dudes are crazy. I should have thrown that shot he bought me right in his face.

February 26th - Top 40 Under 40 @ Blue Martini

Sweet Jesus, I'm so glad I'm not sick anymore. Due to some alien virus, I missed two parties last week along with several other opportunities to traipse around town. Nevertheless, those sick days made the events of today all the more sweeter. Life is beautiful and this day tasted a bit like perfection. This morning, I woke up, feeling brand new, I jumped up...worked out, did my sprint, went to a job that I love, worked with people I thoroughly enjoy spending my day with, got my hair "did" on lunch, spoke to my sweet Georgia lover on the phone, took part in the planning of a wonderful community-building event called the Nevada Women's Day of Service and then I went out! Hallelujah!

Sure, I've been to Blue Martini scores of times (see January 16th ). It's always so crowded, I swear the Fire Marshall is on the take. However, Blue Martini is a must do for all local business people and is definitely a suggested destination for any regular visitors to our fine valley. Tonight, in particular, was a young business person must. Anyone under the age of forty who didn't make it truly missed out on a networking bonanza.

In Business Las Vegas (IBLV) is a local business publication distributed weekly by Greenspun Media Group. Each year, IBLV hosts a series of events recognizing the go-getters of the Las Vegas. The parties are typically thrown in the finest of nightlife locations with complimentary cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. One of the most popular events is the Top 40 Under 40 which honors forty young professionals under the age of forty specializing in kicking ass and taking names in business. As if I wasn't going to be there. OutPast30 Lady rolled in there five deep. Shots out to my peeps at Imagine Marketing. Congrats to Top 40 Under 40 honoree and OutPast30 reader, Rebecca Fay. Big ups to Tom Fay, Director of Henderson Libraries. (Folks, Tom reads my blog too.)

To anyone who thinks that professionals are too elite to hang with, think again. While waiting at the bar, I overheard a group of four discussing how proud they were to repeatedly mispronounce words like "quesadilla" and "fajita." I overheard the distinctly high-pitched giggle of acute intoxication. I witnessed professionals piling their plates sky high with shish kabobs and shrimp as if they were at a casino buffet. And finally, after the ceremonies were over and a quartet called Fat Strat hit the stage to cover Beatles tunes with their electronic string instruments, I saw the mass exodus of professionals who were no longer interested in drinking Patron ...especially if it wasn't free.

Business networking is good times with a room full of people from all backgrounds just trying to get their piece of the pie and have a cool time doing it. It's not stuffy, condescending banter. It's real people just exhaling and trying to make sense of this crazy capitalist machine we live in in the company of fellow cogs. I had a wonderful night. My only complaint was when Titties McGee behind the bar refused to acknowledge the fact that I needed another drink. I had to resort to wacky waving infatalable arm flailing in order to get some service.

Singles ladies, I just want to tell you something. Don't listen to Beyonce. No disrespect to my fellow bootyshaker but she's always talking about enticing men in some nightclub. Whatever. Get yourself to these networking events. Just look at the picture to the left. This a fine example of the smorgasbord of gainfully employed men who are very available, are steady on the grind and do enjoy the company of business-minded women. Yes, OutPast30 Lady's pimp hand is strong, however no pimp bones are necessary to make the acquaintance of one of these gents. If you've got business on the brain, then be about it. Bring plenty of business cards and keep your eyes open. Smile, shake hands and tell him your name. Take his business card. You don't have to think of anything intelligent to say because he can't hear you anyway. Before you know it, you've made a hot and sexy new friend. Furthermore, you have his number AND an excuse to call him.

Single men, ditto. Hell, ALL single people, ditto. There's someone for everyone. Go ahead. Handle your business.

Disclaimer: Sweet Georgia Lover Man, OutPast30 Lady did not hit on, attempt to hit on or even contemplate hitting on any individuals of the opposite sex, same sex and/or questionable sex. OutPast30 Lady is not responsible for the undeniable attraction that any individual may have for her, nor is she responsible for any visions, fantasies, or wishful thinking with regard to her overall deliciousness.

February 24th - Spiked Lemonade @ Satay Malaysian Grill

OutPast30 Lady did venture out to a Spyonvegas event last night...but other than the free beer and the spicy sushi there wasn't much to chat about. However, my fellow 30-something gal pal went to a really cool event and I'm wondering the why the hell I wasn't there!

Spiked Lemonade .....What a refreshing change from the typical humdrum networking events in Las Vegas.

Last night was the first Spiked Lemonade event – a venue that allows Las Vegans an opportunity to rant, rave or talk about whatever is on their minds. Why “spiked lemonade?” Some people are tired of taking the lemons in their life and making plain lemonade. Sometimes a little extra spike is needed to truly make things in life seem a tad better.

The rules: Libations are a must. You get to rant about five issues (no political correctness necessary) and you must deposit a dollar to benefit the event’s charity of choice if you choose to speak. (Hint, hint, non profits.) I, along with twenty other Las Vegas professionals, took on the challenge and had a surprisingly great time for what could have turned into an awkward situation.

The brainchild of local networking and business extraordinaire Bessy Lee-Oh, Spiked Lemonade has a special purpose… to give people a chance to lay it all out on the table and then network afterwards. When you think about it, knowing a person’s personal frustrations and story brings you closer to them. And, in business, relationships are key. I left at 10 p.m. last night with five business cards in my pocket and a long list of “to email/follow-ups” in my purse for the next morning. Not too shabby when you can consider my time at Spiked Lemonade a part of a group therapy session for my life as well. A win-win situation does not even begin to give it justice.

The venue, SATAY Malaysian Grill on Paradise just off Flamingo, was perfect. (Try the deep fried garlic tofu.) Even the owner took part and said a few words. People off the street joined the group including a Virginia tech analyst in town for a convention. He ended up giving a rant of his own!

So what did I rant about , you ask? I can’t tell. You’ll need to attend the next event to hear – which is currently being planned as we speak. (Keep checking back on this blog for the next date.) Let’s just say that last night daddy issues, bad drivers, stimulus packages, in-laws, today’s youth, irresponsible friends and just about anything else you can imagine was put out into the public by all who were there. What a night.

Thanks, Ms. Amber! OutPast30 Lady's gonna have to get up on some of that ranting action. That's all I need... a drink and a mic. Hope there's not a time limit. LOLOLOLOL!